|
|
Saturday, October 7th, 2006
|
|
|
you know whats weird?
wanting to watch a movie but remembering its at my dorm then finding out its playing on tbs.
too bad i found out too late so i only got to watch the last 20 minutes of it. i could have watched almost all of it had i looked on tv. it really does suck.
i really really really want to watch the mummy.
|
|
|
Question:
You Are a Green Apple Jelly Bean
|
Of all the flavors, you're the most complex and the most real. A little sweet, a little sour, and totally tangy. People can't describe you, but they love you!
|
Is that true?
|
|
|
you know what would start a great summer?
a bon fire.
all of us should go camping. and not far. something about twenty minutes to an hours drive away. and maybe not even camping. just hanging around a camp fire talking.
i dunno. i just thought it would be good to have a get together with everyone. i dont even know when i saw everyone all together. at first, prom comes to mind. but not this one since kim didnt go. but last years prom. it was so long ago. it feels surreal now that i look at it.
i am somewhat pissed but somewhat relieved.
why? because i got a B in photograph. because i got a C in english but i should have gotten a B. and then theres the B i got in math. yessss. i love PT.
so what does that mean? stephanie got a 2.5 GPA. is it that bad? it could be worse but im disappointed in myself.
and i really need to hang out with my other friends. i have friends with the initials jlp.
lol. ok. im good.
i have decided to list my books:
The Boy Next Door: Meg Cabot --- ON: pg. 254| OUT OF:379
Definitely Dead: Charlaine Harris --- ON: 324| OUT OF: 324 ... FINISHED ...
The Magician's Nephew: C. S. Lewis --- ON: 2| OUT OF: 221
Broken: Kelley Armstrong --- ON: 42| OUT OF: 444
TTYL: Lauren Myracle --- ON: 2| OUT OF: 209
The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe: C. S. Lewis --- ON: 0| OUT OF: 206
Prom: Laurie Halse Anderson --- ON: 28| OUT OF: 215
Midnight for Charlie Bone: Jenny Nimmo --- ON: 10| OUT OF: 401
Currently reading? The Boy Next Door. Why? Because I like how its written. Mind you, they are all in e-mails. What was I reading before? Broken. Why I changed? Because when I read anny of Kelley Armstrongs books, I have to think about all of the sarcasm and pick up small bits.
Definitely Dead. Why was it called that? Because it always talks about vampires and they're dead. But once they get killed, they're 'definitely dead'. Did I enjoy it? Of course. The guy she actually wanted totally ditched her and I liked him too. But she found someone else. I was somewhat disappointed at that.
I think I'm done talking about this. Yeah, it was boring about books I'm reading but I enjoyed bringing all of my books downstairs and see the large pile waiting for me to read. its beautiful.
Current Music: The Beatles 'Here Comes The Sun'
Current Mood: A Bit Pissed Off
Current Book: The Boy Next Door
Current Craving: Twizzlers
Current Love: Arctic Monkeys
|
|
|
last nights dream...
i was getting gas at this old station. i felt like the owners were zombies because it reminded me of day of the dead for some reason. probably one of the scenes, the zombie was a gas station person...lol. worker. yeah, thats the word.
anyways. then i somehow got to a place that reminded me of that guy, tim, from photograph, house. except there was a sun room. it was sunny and warm and i could see the beautiful mountain scenery.
thats all i can rememeber. i may have just woken up from my alarm just then.
this dream, i cant even interpret. its more like things that have happened and movies just re-made in my mind. its so unclear and crappy but i enjoyed my dream. when i was at that gas station, i felt like i was running from something. probably the zombies....
i think im done. i just had to write down my dream.
i also have to talk about something that happened last night but i want to take a nap instead.
|
|
|
last night...
approximate time of reaching bed:
4:48
first time of wake up:
9:11
reason:
cell phone ringing.
second time of wake up:
9:42
reason:
house phone ringing
third time of wake up:
10:23
reason:
house phone ringing. again
fourth time of wake up:
12:00
reason:
alarm clock.
at that point, i tried to go back to sleep. i finally woke up at approximately 13:38. i really have no idea why im telling anyone of my day today. especially since it was crappy. four hours of sleep and i get a phone call. i hate how people can tell that i was sleeping when i just woke up. im not effing sleeping, i swear!
anywho. saturday, i get to babysit. yey! actually i am excited if you think i was being sarcastic.
when i went to bed at around 4-5 ish, i completely freaked out. why? because it was light out.
you wanna know what sucks? how when it was dark out, i missed having it light. and now that its getting lighter, i miss the darkness. lol. the darkness.
anywho. i too a bit of a nap at around 8? 9? i have no idea. but i woke up at midnight. it wasnt the best of dreams to wake up to. wanna know what i dreamt? well im gonna effing tell you what i dreamt about.
there were two doors. i think it was at the college. it felt like it was at the college but that room wasnt a room i've seen before. it actually kind of reminds me of the section of the college between the library and the bookstore without the windows. both the doors were shut and i had to get out but i couldnt. i was scared. there was so much spider webs surrounding it. i saw this disgusting spider crawling straight at me in the thread of one of the webs. i was terrified. i've never been so scared of it in my life. i wanted to cry.
i woke up before it reached me.
you wouldnt think i just had a nightmare when i woke up. i was completely calm once i woke up. i nearly forgot about it two seconds later but i had a sudden adrenline rush. the part i dont get is how i can be so calm once i wake up. i usually have it still pressed in my mind when i wake up for a while.
i dont know what to do. why do i dream about my fears? i have no idea. maybe because i think i need to face my fear head on. thats why the spider was crawling at me. mind you, it was eye level. i had to go through my fear of spiders to get to the other side of the door.
i dont get it still. whats on the other side of the door? why was it so important for me to get to the other side? i dont think it was to move on with my life. fear of spiders isnt pulling me down from living my life.
it may be the fact that the last thought was of spiders crawling on my bed. actually, it was more be thinking about the bugs that are in the blanket and what not.
i think im gonna go. i have to work today.
oh man, one thing, though. i had taco bell. it was so delicious. lol. took bob home and instead of using gas money for, well, gas, i went to taco bell instead. it was delicious.
|
|
Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
|
|
|
so i am absolutely damn sure of one thing im going to be burning in valdez.
to tell this story, i'll need to rewind about ten to fifteen minutes ago.
i was completely aggitated. i had a great book in front of me which i was intrigued about and excited to finally read it. i shall now go on a tangent...
all in all, i started to love this book especially from the series. this series was all about this girl that had lots of guys after her. i thought it was ridiculous on how many guys loved her. and it pissed me off. nothing like that really happens to a person like that. and this book is when everything goes to shit for her. everything she thought about was just i lie and she completely broke down. i didn't exactly enjoy her turmoil but more to see some reality to it even though its about vampires and what not.
this is the part where it actually relates to what my first point was about, which was my aggitation.
and im starting to read about the part where things get better but then this voice? i guess i could call it that, but more so background music, starts to play in my head.
'I need to find a....new vagina...'
and yeah, it might seem funny that i was thinking about one of the bloodhound gang songs stuck in my head but it kept on repeating...over and over again...
then sometimes, it would change songs. i wouldnt even know the lyrics but it would still play in my head.
i ignored it for the most part until it became unbearable.
i came downstairs, in hopes of playing music to get something else stuck in my head.
i turn on the computer, and find the mouse not working well.
that got me even more upset. at one point, i couldnt even get the mouse on the screen to move.
at that point, i was beyong pissed. i was nearly on the brink of tears because of my menstrual cycle. fortunately for me, i was completely aware of my hormonal change and calmed myself before i did anything irrational, which was burn the fucking mouse in the middle of the room.
now, i have a new mouse that i found in my bedroom that i had for a while...this goes into another long story but to make it short, i knew the old mouse was shit when i used it for my other computer (not my lap top) so i bought a new one. dont ask me why my parents didnt just take the new mouse instead of the old one and put it on this internet accessable computer because my parents have no sense of logic.
i have regained my composure and decided to burn that god forsaken mouse at valdez instead where i will enjoy watching it burn into oblivion.
sometimes i wonder how men even survive with women having their menstrual cycle every effing month....seriously....
|
|
|
'it doesnt take much to be louder than you, stephanie'
'yeah, stephanie. your pretty quiet'
---annabelle and my uncle george
its just so weird, dont you think? and in elementary and middle school, i was so quiet. what happened?
gah, i just need to get over it.
|
|
|
'isnt she that girl that won that joe blow guy or something?'
---annabelle about joe millionaire
'annabelle's going to palmer and get a condom.'
---my dad, trying to say condo or condominium.
so i think my day has started off well. i enjoy the conversations that have happened today but im troubled with some of the dreams ive had.
the only one i can think of is about maria, my sisters cat. in my dream, she peed and then crapped on the carpet. and all i said was, haha, your cat does it too!
yeah, i know what that means. i want maria to be the scapegoat for my own cats actions.
my dreams are so obvious of the things that are happening in my life.
its leads me into another thought. why did i always have this repeating dream about a t-rex trying to hunt my family?
more than likely, it was because the nights i spent watching jurassic park over and over again.
today, i really wanted to get my two books from my two favorite authors. i didnt get them because my father didnt want to go. it doesnt surprise me.
on another note, next week is the big valdez trip. and stephanie has succeeded in not telling her parents.
is that a bad thing?
yes.
and i really need to tell them.
oh and i am so stupid that i could have sent my transcript by mail when i sent those pfd papers to professor tomazos but i didnt. because, like i said, im so stupid.
you know what i find weird about my life? is how two-faced i really am.
i am different when im at home. maybe everyone is but the interpretation that my family gets isnt the same that my friends get.
i have no idea how to ellaborate on that. i just find it weird how people think of me as being this loud person and someone that will always be blunt when at home im just like, i dont want or need the attention, just stay away from me and let me live my life.
and in both im a real bitch.
do i want to change?
sure.
will i change?
probably not.
this gets me thinking. will i really like the uk? i have no idea. all i want england to be is somewhere to escape reality but its never going to happen. england isnt my fairytale ending even though i want it so much to become that.
im starting to get over my "i want to go to england so bad" phase and im sad to see it go. it was something i couldnt reach but ive tried for so long to get it, its just hard to let it go. it became part of me. i started to enjoy a lot of english music. i felt more real and less like a poser because no one knew/liked any of the bands that i did. and i liked it that way. if i go there, theres going to be a lot of people that like the same thing i do and i'll just get pissed.
ive had too much time to think.
god. i hate how my sister and i are so much alike. shes just a bitch.
i think im gonna go because now everyone has decided to migrate here.
p.s.
'it doesnt even matter because once i re-remember about the ice cream and baklava...wait...re-remember?'
---lol, me, of course about eating left-over dessert
|
|
|
today i managed to watch the second to last episode of 7th heaven. -tear-
well anyways. the young one is effing 16 years old. you know how weird that is? its pretty effing weird since the last time i saw her was at the age of 10-12.
so. she was babysitting her twin brothers/niece and started talking to this waiter. ah. scottish accent. lol. needless to say, i had this stupid grin on my face. and then he said something. 'thats a pretty baby.'
mind you, in a scottish accent. i started laughing hysterically. why? because it sounded so much of fat bastard from austin powers.
anyways. thats all i have to say.
scottish accents = fat bastard.
lol. im just laughing right now. cause i find this all quite entertaining.
i dont think i can hear a scottish person say baby and not laugh hysterically from now on.
|
|
|
so anywho. i got added by a scottish band from myspace? randomly. and they put up a bulletin to go vote for them on this website. so i went. and i looked at other bands...
and then i stumbled across a band that i gave a wtf? look. it was these little kids as a picture. im like, oh, its just a cover or something. but no, its 13-14 year old. they have their own band. so im like, ha! thats funny. and then i listened to there music. and im like, woh! thats crazy. they dont suck. lol.
anywho listen to the right here....
thats all i have to say. oh, and i woke up at 8 for no apparent reason today. but it feels good getting out of bed before 9+
i really have nothing to say right now. except im super uber stressed about the end of this week.
omg! what if i fail psychology? i didnt even turn in my packet 3 at all. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
im done. wait...fuck....alright, now i think im done.
|
|
Thursday, April 27th, 2006
|
|
|
im just updating so i can show off my new picture.
needless to say, it amuses me.
|
|
Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
|
|
|
after popular demand, i have continued with the hundred thing.
when i say popular demand, i mean i got bored and made another list. so....
01. i love/support geeks.
02. my first favorite band is Queen
03. my favorite band junior year of high school was the Darkness
04. my favorite band is the Beatles
05. bloc party makes me happy
06. i realize arctic monkeys makes me concentrate and somehow enjoy their sound
07. my cat has my personality
08. i love british bands (2-6) and somehow they keep adding me on myspace
09. i enjoy listening to the rain while i write this
10. my taste in music varies drastically
11. i concluded that vanilla vodka isnt as good as it sounds
12. my favorite alcoholic drink is Bailey's
13. Wal-mart used to be my second home
14. i don't even know what my favorite drink is
15. im addicted to gum
16. i like the starbucks frappaccinos that are in the bottle
17. my favorite color is a specific green but i always say blue because there are a lot more ugly green colors than blue ones.
18. i dont think its possible to have an ugly blue color
19. my friends think im pessimistic but thas because i keep my standards low so i wont get disappointed
20. the laste time i was disappointed in myself was the end of seventh grade and i thought for only a split second that suicide was the only way out
21. i feel ashamed for admitting that
22. im upset that the end of the harry potter books is near
23. i put a collar on one of my cats and found it amusing how she didnt want to move because of the bell noise
24. i feel like sleeping all the time so i can live in my fantasy world
25. reality is overrated
26. reading is a distraction for me to not solve my problems
27. charise makes me feel like a poser
28. sometimes, i am a poser
29. i think tatoos should mean something to the person that gets it not something to show off for friends
30. i dont like the feeling of not getting along with people
31. sometimes i question the existance of god
32. i hope there are other beings in this galaxy
33. i sometimes dont think theres a heaven or hell and once we die, thats it
34. yet i believe in reincarnation and im sometimes scared of the dark because i think the devils going to get me
35. i want to paint my walls with black handprints
36. im going to enjoy the massive amount of hours/money i'll be getting in the summer
37. yet i hate the smell of RW's
38. sometimes i have no motivation to get up in the morning
39. i stayed in my bed until 4 in the afternoon because of that reason
40. i dont think i have a soulmate and im going to end up alone
41. im afraid of being alone for the rest of my life
42. i dont like saying hi to people i see at the mall, etc. becuas ei dont think they care/remember me.
43. i hate how my room is so plain now but wont do anything with it
44. i rememebr when i started putting up posters in my room. it was sophmore year, spring break and that day i hung out with kim and...bethany
45. i dont understand why im so hyper/chirpy most of the time
46. i think its stupid that people write down how they like long walks on the beach
47. i personally hate long walks. and beaches.
48. actually, i like beaches, especially when theres a bon-fire
49. ive thought about writing and i even started a story but i feel like giving up
50. a part of my closet is painted black
51. theres also vanilla vodka in my closet
52. i enjoyed making a mask of my plastered face.
53. i think gas prices are outrageously high right now
54. i like saying ridiculous rih-dick-oo-lus
55. i like horseback riding
56. ive started to like tea and it annoys me
57. i had a dream about sam t last night and it sucked because shes such a bitch to betray me and call me a fucking loser. that bitch
58. its stupid that nicole made people feel jealous and replaced when shes just a skanky little bitch that can only get some with an online friend
59. i like dressing up for halloween
60. i think i'll enjoy the dorm life a lot
61. the most annoying thing is getting this HUGE zit on the crease of my nostril
62. accents in general are hot. except the american accents
63. another exception to 62 is the french accent. and the dutch! (quoting austin powers)
64. mike myers as austin powers entertains me so much.
65. my favorite parts of the austin powers movies is the beginning when he dances to the best music ever
66. i like spacing out because im usually not consciously thinking
67. i dont really like flowers
68. the only chocolate that i cant get enough of are the green wrapped chocolate in greece with a hazelnut in the middle (or at least i think its hazelnut)
69. i find it funny that 69 is a sex position
70. i hate greek-americans because they think they are better then everyone because of what their ancestors did yet they cant handle the greek lifestyle. there are only a few exceptions to that rule which include me. lol.
71. i think the "Beatles cut"is the cutest thing ever
72. the hottest thing is the shag and fohawk (not the completely shaved sides)
73. i need to find this alluring power of those "punk" boys and destroy it so they no longer have a hold of me
74. bob can be such a poser sometimes
75. my favorite girl scout cookies is tagalongs
76. i alway sbut my underwear in the hamper because its just gross walking on dirty underwear
77. i dont like feet
78. i want wait until my sister gets pregnant
79. i like to say "knocked up"
80. i think my forehead is big
81. in elementary school, my neighbor and i used to have races to the front school when we got out of the car
82. id always lose those races
83. one time, my dad locked john borland's (my neighbor) car door so he couldnt get out so i'd win at least one race. i'd like to think i didnt try to win because i still lost
84. i remember the day my dad got the first cell phone when i was in elementary school and it was so huge but at the time, it was the coolest thing ever (it had to be from 93-98)
85. around that time, we got a '95 computer also
86. i loved to play Lode Runner
87. i remember going to the borland's house all the time and playing the classic computer games and the house smelt of cats and a jaccuzi (because they had one downstairs)
88. i enjoy remenising
89. i know the borlands were very religious yet i never asked them what they were. the reason being, i alway sthought everyone in america was catholic at that time
90. i wish i was more mysterious
91. ive always wondered if John Lennon hadnt gotten shot in 1980, would the Beatles have reunited and toured one last time
92. i want to meet Paul McCartney
93. Ringo Starr just creeps me out and i have no idea why
94. i want a shirt that says 'Jesus is my home boy' just for kicks and grins
95. i just realized i dont have a favorite skittles color
96. soemtimes i want the fame and money of celebrities so i can have the power to change the world
97. i feel lame wanting to 'change the world'
98. i was surprised to find out that the bulletin that said 'this is how i eat pussies' was about...well, pussies.
99. i like laughing at how weird i am
100. sometimes i wonder what would happen if i wasnt so weird.
so anywho. thats all i have to say.
|
|
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
|
|
|
so i just had a little arguement
with my printer.
it was being gayly active
and would print ever so slowly.
so i start yelling at my printer and threatening it to print faster. and it did.
lol. i just had to share that.
oh and today i slept in until a quarter to two and it makes me feel extremely bad. i wanted to do something this morning. im actually not sure what i wanted to do but i knew i wanted to do it!
anywho. i think im going because this box is growing thata way ---->
and its freakin me out.
adios muchachos
|
|
|
so i havent been updating meaningful things lately and i wonder why.
maybe its the fact that my life isnt that interesting and that kind of makes me upset.
but thats alright. you know why? because summer is almost here.
i have to make a random note. im totally in love with the autosave for livejournal. it actually SAVES what ever im writing and even switches from mozilla to explorer. kudos to those people that made that.
anywho. summers almost here and that means many many hours or work. meaning lots of money for estefania. will i save it for desperate money for college? heck no. im spending that shit for gas money and spoiling the hell out of myself when i can. which means mucho books and i'll actually have the time to read.
i went to waldenbooks with jesse before photography and that just makes me want to buy sooooo many more books. gah! but it makes me sad because now i dont even have enough time to write in my journal. which also leads to a tangent about a journal i saw at waldens that had a great asian cover. lol, it sounds weird but i liked feeling the design on the cover. anywho. writing. yeah. well, i want to write more. especially my story that im writing right now but i know i need to plan things out. but then again, i dont think that my writings any good. oh well.
but im super uber excited about books recently because my favorite authors are releasing their books SOON! thats right, my two favorite authors are releasing their books only a week a part from eachother. that excites me so much.
oh and when i get enough money, im going to go read books about harry potter. i just love the things some people think of.
some of you may be wondering why i would want to read things that might actually spoil the seventh book. its not that. i wouldnt want to spoil the seventh book if my life depended on it but i just like widening my range of thought. its just like, omg, i never thought of that. and when its all over and i know what happens, i'll be like, heh, that was a good idea but it wasnt true. and just looking at at all the things i loved about harry potter.
what makes me sad is the downfall of know it. the downfall of mugglenet.com. lol. i know, its stupid but i've been going there since 2002 and you all should know i dont effing like change.
anyways. thats something that was on my mind.
ah yes, and camping. aka valdez. need to plan. only WEEKS AWAY!!!
does that get you excited?
it damn well should. i nearly wet myself just saying it.
planning?
yes
saving?
no
i think we should do it at least a week after school gets out. why? because estefania needs to save up.
well heres the dealio since we havent discussed this for awhile, im gonna beginning.
estefania (thats me) will be in charge of:
-transportation (i.e. car/gas money)
-camping equipment (chairs/tent/wood?)
-cooler
jesse
-housing (i.e. cost of hotel)
-camping equipment? (if you dont wanna use my tent)
kim
-delicious beverage (i.e. soda...*;)*)
-edible items (food, you dumb ass)
-cooler equipment (ice and whatnot)
at this moment, i can not think of anything else except bring your own god damn blankets! gosh, you guys are so needy right now. anywho. thats all i want to share. oh yeah. and about the:
wood?
well, if you guys have any wood, well, save it so we can actually use it for fire. oh yes, i just remembered about the little things like baby wipes to clean your face when it gets sticky and what not. yeah, i know it sounds weird but what ever.
and this last part:
You Are Sunrise
|
You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary.
You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward.
Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts.
All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.
|
yeah, i know you guys dont think this really decribes me but it actually does. at least in my subconscience. i usually space out and dont really conscientiously reflect and meditate but its there still. and yeah, i know it sounds crazy but its true. i cant really describe it better than that.
so now its two. guh. i wanted to watch narnia before i went to bed. eh oh well.
i just like to add one more thing.
late night adventures + my kitties = best thing ever
good night. <333
|
|
Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
|
|
|
my reseach paper.
things i've done:
-cover page....but missing header part...
-thesis statement of introduction. only part of intro paragraph.
-a huge ass paragraph. only one.
-beginning of next paragraph.
all in all i've got one page out of seven. yessss
six more hours to go....
|
|
|
the current time is 6:33 am.
thats right, i put an all nighter, folks.
lol. im completely proud.
why? because not once did i yawn. i went to the bathroom about an hour ago, was about to yawn but it just turned into a large sigh.
but the box is growing again so i've decided to update on internet explorer.
i think it working.
anywho. my seven page paper.
hows it looking?
alright. seeing how i havent done any of it.
at around 4:30 am, i stopped writing notes from my articles. seing how its going to be seven in twenty minutes, what have i done since that time?
simple. read stories on quizilla.
yes, for two hours straight.
and i want to make one thing clear right now. i like saying a.m. at the end of saying what time it is too. got an effing problem with that?
anywho.
i realized why i haven't felt one bit tired while i was awake this whole.
that is quite a simple answer as well.
well. last night, jesse and i went to taco bell to do our usual some-what bondish thing. andrew came to pick up his back pack and it was nice seeing him. it kind of weirds me out how nice hes been. im trying to comprehend it. i think im being mean when i say that. i dont mean to. its just hard for me to trust people but once you have my trust, its a done deal. maybe its because i see my sister now with no real close friends because all of her other friends are just fake.
wow. got on a tangent there. anywho. taco bell. stephanie decided to get a GI-effing-NORMOUS cup of...baja blast. i drank it all. oh, and thats not even the best part. i drank another cup full of mountain dew. so i pretty much had 4 cans of caffeine in my body. the effects are starting to disintigrate so i drank some frappuccino. fantabulous.
so at around 5:45, my dad comes in the den and asks, why are you up so early?
and im pretty sure i sounded like a crazy moe-foe because i responded oh so chirpy, 'why wouldnt i?'
about half an hour later, my mom comes in and is like, 'omg! stephanie, did you just get home?'
and i, still in a chirpy mood from the frappuccino, replied, 'no mom! i got back at around 11!'
im smiling and being extremely happy for some odd reason. im still smiling like an idiot. and then shes like, 'oh gosh, my kids doing drugs' and walked upstairs.
so i think having caffeine on your side late at night really helped with my mood.
i think once i re-read this in the evening, i'll be like, wtf was i on this morning! im so effing tired! why was i so happy!!!!!!!!
i believe this is going to be the end of my journal because i feel like reading the end of this story.
wait, on another note, it made my day when jesse actually effing liked my story. she may have lied to me about it but it doesnt really matter. it made me feel good inside and encourage me. lol, even though my story is like my whole personality split up into three different people.
i think im going to go now. good morning, all!!!!
|
|
|
i drove home today from taco bell at 11 and realized that when im driving at night, i dont speed. it feels like im going a good speed at around 53. in daylight, its like, omg, whoops, 67...eh, oh well. lol. yeah.
but im mildly depressed that its starting to get lighter. i like the complete darkness at 7. but then again, im extremely excited to get more effing light all the time. i guess i just dont like the waiting period between the two. anywho.
i have to write my at least 7 page essay on psychopaths.
and you know whats effing annoying me. is how this box that im typing in is getting bigger and bigger every time jesse starts talking to me on msn. and its pissing me off.
stop growing, you little mo effing box. stop! gah!
it wont stop. it just keeps growing. gah.
its still effing growing.
its creeping me out
not only that, but i still have to write about mo effing psychopaths...
psychopaths!
of all the things i could have written about, i write about crazy people!
no. not just crazy people. but crazy people with no conscience.
no sense of remorse.
nothing!
and then the box keeps growing and growing.
i think im starting to turn into the thing im writing about...
O.o
CrAzY face.
but the effing box is still growing.
i think i want to cry...
not really. but this growing box keeps on scaring me. it just grows automatically. periodically. every i think it just grows every time i type. and when i type more....it keeps growing.
gahhhh!
im going crazy.
stephanies log star gate 48972-dash-3
|
|
Saturday, April 15th, 2006
|
|
|
so i just watched chronicles of narnia.
oh man, i love hotties. actually, its singular. i love the hottie.
lol. yesssss.
anywho. im an effing hypocrite. im like, oh i hate it when people are just like, oh, the movies coming out, i wanna read the book now. you had so many chances to read the book before you even heard about the movie but did you want to buy it then, heck no!
and now i just watched the movie and i want to read it.
maybe im not a complete hypocrite because ever since fifth grade, i've always wanted to re-read it again. all i remember from the book is the ice queen.
i had such a vivid image in my head even after eight years.
is it weird how i could remember something so clear that happened so long ago, especially since it was just in my mind?
i dunno. thats the only thing that stuck in my mind. the ice queen. dressed in all white...her skin so pale.
i know, im being extremely...weird? yeah. but im just daydreaming. or zoning out into my thoughts in the past.
well, anyways. i've recently become extremely artsy. what have i been doing? sketching, writing, painting (unfortunately i got black paint, oh so smart: never again) and coloring. lol. yes, coloring my sketches.
i wish i could actually draw things in my head but i just cant. i always have to have a picture to help me out. its so stupid. i have such great images but i cant show them to anyone. i bet they be something that people have already seen.
well anywho. i think im done talking.
im starting to think that this stupid journal is useless. why shoudl i even bother writing in this.
and yes, i am cranky. i think im just having cramps. gah, that sucks.
|
|
|
i had a really weird dream last night. i dreamt that i was back in greece, in alexandroupoli. my luggage was out but i didnt pick them up because i was in a hurry to leave. i came back and saw them still there and when i got close enough, i opened up my lap top holder to find out that someone stole it. i completely freaked out and kept on thinking how stupid i was to leave them just lying around and should have thought that someone would have stolen it.
so what does this dream mean? i have no idea. i hate not know what my dreams mean. maybe its the fact that i trust people and im afraid that once they have my trust, they might betray me and once they betray me, i should have know that they would do that.
thats all i can think of at this time. and i think i know exactly why i had that dream. i guess writing this down helps me. hm. i feel completely and utterly betrayed and i should have known about it and i somehow knew.
well, wtf? i think im done confusing the hell out of absolutely everyone. i feel like a real bitch not ending it with an explanation but i really dont want to tell anyone. eh, just one of my moods, right?
|
|
Thursday, April 6th, 2006
|
|
|
so i got a new icon which entertains me. just because it has nemo on it. nemo. my anti-drug
anyways, i just took my math test, which i think i did badly on. but i was super uber excited that i got the bonus part. it made me extremely happy that i knew something extra. i just stared at my test and the logarithms that i had to solve. i have no idea, but somehow, i figured out how to do some. i dont know if i did it correctly, but it made sense in my head. i believe i failed that test. and i need a re-test. and another re-test for the other test i took.
so ive had random thoughts. about gravity. you cant see gravity, but you see the effects of gravity. kind of like god. you cant see god but you can see the effects of god. then i just think of the effects of god. god created balance. and knows all of his own consequence. that would completely and utterly suck. knowing everything.
i think im gonna go.
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
unknown_angel's journal